BEAST Film Review
by Jan Brewer the movie reviewer
Hello, my name is Jan Brewer…
… I’m the elected governor of Arizona. Ummmm…
I have seen a very disturbing film recently which the public needs to know about. And I need to yell at you about it without getting any follow-up questions from the media. Josh told me I could do that on The BEAST for $20, and that’s why I’m posting my thoughts on this film here and not at an open press conference.
The film I saw was a documentary about the Messicans called Machete. It exposes the truth about the violence on our Southern border. Especially the beheadings. I’ve learned that most illegal immigrants behead Americans while in close quarters, and they usually do it with a machete, which is why the movie is called Machete.
Stupid unions.
Another important thing we learn from this movie is that we need to start monitoring VOIP calls. It turns out that many Messicans, such as Steven Seagal, like to make death threats and kill people while on the Skype. So we can listen in on the Skype and catch lots and lots of drug dealing kidnappers just by scanning through different internet calls and listening for creepy laughter. We’ll just make sure to not have any federal funding to pursue this method of law enforcement. OK, maybe a little bit of federal funding. OK, a LOT.
Hospitals are actually a secret communist conspiracy to help illegal immigrants kidnap Lindsay Lohan so that they can dress her up as a liberation theology nun and then use the intestinal tracts of real Americans as bungee cords. That’s another true fact I learned from this groundbreaking documentary. Has my enemy Terry Goddard ever gone to a hospital? Probably!
All of the bad guys in this film look kinda… you know, suspicious. And that just proves how useful SB 1070 will be after we I finish suing President Imam Barack Hussein NOBAMACARE for appointing judges. Or something.
I’m not doing any more movie reviews ever. It’s an unfair medium for me to spread my message. SO THERE. Please follow me on the Twitter, thanks.
