Stupid theme park management is stupid, even by those standards.

I think I’ve been somehow sent back in time to the 12th century, except it’s in a different possible past since this one appears to have things like working computers which erroneously report the current year as 2009. It can’t possibly be 2009, because of this:

“SPOOKED bosses at a theme park have suspended six members of staff and called in an exorcist after a late night seance on their top horror ride sparked a string of ghostly happenings.”


Here’s some of the alleged evidence collected by those fine journalistic minds at the Sun:

“Lights started to go on and off with no explanation”

Do lights going on and off ever explain themselves? Am I missing something?

OK, that was pretty lame, but seriously – “no explanation?” They might not know with absolute certainty, but surely there are explanations. Someone could be playing a prank. Or it could be that sometimes shit just happens. How’s that for an explanation? Nothing works perfectly, including lights. And in a scary place like Thorpe Park (you can tell it’s scary because the picture in this article has a guy in a mask apparently about to attack the photographer, and they used some green tint on it), it’s not surprising that people would make more of this sort of fuss about an electrical issue than in, say, an office workplace.

That quote above is attributed to “a Thorpe park insider.” They must protect this crucial informant’s identity. I don’t blame them, really. If it’s one of those suspended workers, their drooling, knuckle-dragging bosses might lock them up in the stockades.

I wish it ended there. But it doesn’t. Oh, the stupids, it burns so very badly:

“Thorpe Park in Surrey has now called in Rev Lionel Fanthorpe, the UK’s leading authority on the unexplained, who is currently examining the ride for evidence of paranormal activity.”

The bold print here is my own emphasis. How does someone become an authority on the unexplained? Doesn’t being an authority on a subject involve being able to explain it? Rev Lionel Fanthorpe is the leading authority on absolutely nothing, in the UK or anywhere else. That’s what the quote above really means. Because if he could explain the unexplained, it WOULDN’T BE UNEXPLAINED ANYMORE. But they’re claiming he has expertise on something when they say that. What could it be?

“[Ouija boards open] a gateway to another dimension and when people who are not experienced spiritualists play with Ouija boards, mischievous entities can get through as may have happened here.”
-Rev Lionel Fanthorpe

Here’s what this “authority on the unexplained” looks like:

Oh no, my bad. That’s actually his fellow GhostBuster Bill Murray.

There is a bit of a resemblance, though:

Oh and just in case you were wondering, these people are totally not doing it for the publicity or anything like that. They are taking the feedback “very seriously.” Not seriously enough to shut the place down though. Just seriously enough so that they can get what amounts to free advertising in the Sun. Oh and here, apparently, too, but I doubt anyone reading this would or could go there if they wanted to, and I hope they don’t.


Tags: , ,

6 Responses to “Stupid theme park management is stupid, even by those standards.”

  1. CNN’s “expert” advice on ghost hunting « Atheist Hobos Says:

    […] at least to contact his wife. But he never did. Maybe he got distracted at a really great party in Afterlifeland. Or maybe all people go through some personality shift when they die so that they suddenly don’t […]

  2. Please Buy Our Useless Junk So You Can Find Nothing « Atheist Hobos Says:

    […] year around this time of year I made fun of a Sun article which was essentially an advertisement for a theme park which was allegedly […]

  3. Travel Insurance Martin Lewis Says:

    Hi there, I found your website by the use of Google while looking for a related topic,
    your website came up, it seems to be great.
    I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hello there, just become alert to your weblog through Google,
    and found that it is really informative. I am gonna
    watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate should you continue this
    in future. A lot of folks will likely be benefited from
    your writing. Cheers!

  4. Chobani jcpenney coupon printable in store Says:

    Hellߋ, i Ьelieve tɦat i noticed you visited my webloog so i came to
    go Ƅack the desire?.I’m attempting tߋ find things to improve my site!ӏ assume its օk to use
    some of your ideas!!

  5. Says:

    Yesterday, աhile I was ɑt worƙ, my cousin stole myy iphone аnd tested
    to see if it can survive a 30 foot drop, jսst so shhe
    can bе a youtube sensation. Ӎy apople ipad is now broken and she has 83 views.
    I κnow thiѕ is completely ooff topic ƅut I Һad to share it with someone!

  6. looking for gatorade coupons Says:

    Ahaa, its nice dialogue about this artficle ɦere at
    this website, Ӏ hace read all that, ѕߋ
    at this time me alѕօ commenting here.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: