I feel inclined to start a new kind of award here in honor of an anonymous man in a place called Iowa City. Unfortunately, the police see his hero status in a different light.
Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.
A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.
The man then ran out a back door.
The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.
This is a miscarriage of justice. The police should be looking for this man, but to thank him for his quick actions in the face of a zombie invasion – not to arrest him for assault. The vigilance of citizens such as this man is the price we must pay for a world in which the living dominate over the undead.
And taking the so-called “victim” to the hospital is the worst idea ever. A hospital is the last place you want zombies. There are lots of injured people, many of them unable to leave their bed. So the zombies will feed on them and gain strength. And there are all kinds of potential weapons lying around for zombies to possibly use. And what if one of them can read and gets into the drugs? Then what? Tripping, speed freak zombies armed with scalpels and feeling no pain – that’s what.