Stages of Zombie Grief

I thought at first that this article was dealing with the idea of getting inside the zombie psyche and how we might expect our thoughts to change should we become a victim of the imminent zombie apocalypse, but it turns out that it’s about how we might realize that our worst fears of such an event have finally become realized. It comes accompanied with this helpful chart:



A claim made here is that you need a gun and a safe hiding place, even a temporary one. I would go so far as to say that you will also need some kind of non-gun weapon – say, a blunt object or a sword. This will help you save ammunition, which you might need at later stages of the rise of the zombies, where masses congregate around your possibly faulty hiding spot. Early zombie attacks seem to occur more in one-on-one situations rather than group ambushes. And if worse comes to worse, you may need a bullet for yourself to save you the pain of being eaten alive during your imminent zombie metamorphosis.

Other helpful hints include not going to the government sanctioned rescue points since everyone will be there and there are a lot of stupid and sentimental people who will smuggle infected people into those areas in hopes of a miracle cure. Staying in small and reliable groups within a safe hiding spot with access to supplies is key, basically, but be sure to read the article for more details.


5 Responses to “Stages of Zombie Grief”

  1. coffee Says:

    Like I said I’m going into the trees.

  2. nanobotswillenslaveusall Says:

    You will run out of ammo and then the zombies will surround you. It will only be a matter of time before they learn to climb trees. You’ve been warned.

  3. coffee Says:

    No way, I have already figured that out. I will be making spears out of the branches. I’ll have a hole stock pile of em.

    • nanobotswillenslaveusall Says:

      Sheesh, you’re lucky you have to advise you here. If you make spears out of the branches, eventually you’re run out of branches, which you need to stand on in order to stay in the tree and out of zombie jaws.

  4. coffee Says:

    See I have thought ahead on this one too. I will be bringing lot’s of rope with me and so I can travel from tree to tree. The thing that currently stumps me is when and if the zombies infect the birds or squirrels. By that time however I think we’ll all be screwed and it will only be a matter of time before all humans are forced to admit defeat.

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