Rupert Murdoch has discovered masturbation

Obviously I’m talking about jacking off by the Mirriam-Webster definition, and not the broadcast kind where you stand in front of a camera and just verbalize whatever crazy bullshit happens to pop into your head. Murdoch and his organization has been very familiar with the latter since they formed in 1979.

I guess ultimately it’s a good thing that someone is at least trying to get the Fox crowd to not be such uptight prudes who apparently (at least according to the author) hear voices in their heads telling them that it’s evil. Here is a picture of her. Please masturbate to it now before continuing.

Or don't.

OK, here are some of my favorite lines from this piece.

I don’t know why everyone in the universe isn’t doing it on a regular basis.

They’re not?

An unfortunate stigma has been attached to the act. But ignore those voices in your head.

Yeah! Screw you, voices in my… head… Wait, what? I don’t hear any voices. What kind of voices are you hearing?

And if the sound of your mother’s voice in your head is keeping you from getting to it, put her out of your mind.

Jesus!

  1. This woman apparently thinks it’s normal for people to hear their mother’s voice in their head while whacking off, and then
  2. thinks people need to be told to put those voices out of your mind.
  3. Seriously, does there need to be a 3?

Now if you need some kind of moral incentive to masturbate today, please read the commentary in full. I doubt many readers here really will though. You’ve probably already masturbated just since starting to read this, haven’t you? Pull your freakin’ pants up. Sheesh, people.

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