Shit my co-workers say

  1. “I’m going to draw a cock and balls on his car every single day.” A few days later in the parking lot I saw whoever said that was making good on their promise.
  2. “My girl lost her job, then decided to go back to school. But she doesn’t have any health care, so I said, hey, we might as well get married.” I told him that was very romantic and that it sounded like every little girl’s dream. He agreed without realizing that I was being sarcastic.
  3. Two guys talking: “So you got the reserved spot this month?” “What?” “You know, the reserved parking spot.” “What? Oh… Yeah, I did.”
  4. Two other guys talking: “Hey, tell your brother I said hi.” “What for?”
  5. “And then he said, ‘Oh, you thought I meant a real pearl necklace?'”
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