Archive for the ‘Zombies’ Category
Today’s quote is a very timely one, and it comes from the 27th chapter of Matthew, verses 46-53:
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man calleth for Elias.
And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink.
The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Elias will come to save him.
Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.
And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;
And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,
And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.
LOOK AT IT.
I thought at first that this article was dealing with the idea of getting inside the zombie psyche and how we might expect our thoughts to change should we become a victim of the imminent zombie apocalypse, but it turns out that it’s about how we might realize that our worst fears of such an event have finally become realized. It comes accompanied with this helpful chart:
A claim made here is that you need a gun and a safe hiding place, even a temporary one. I would go so far as to say that you will also need some kind of non-gun weapon – say, a blunt object or a sword. This will help you save ammunition, which you might need at later stages of the rise of the zombies, where masses congregate around your possibly faulty hiding spot. Early zombie attacks seem to occur more in one-on-one situations rather than group ambushes. And if worse comes to worse, you may need a bullet for yourself to save you the pain of being eaten alive during your imminent zombie metamorphosis.
Other helpful hints include not going to the government sanctioned rescue points since everyone will be there and there are a lot of stupid and sentimental people who will smuggle infected people into those areas in hopes of a miracle cure. Staying in small and reliable groups within a safe hiding spot with access to supplies is key, basically, but be sure to read the article for more details.
As this esteemed panel of experts points out, kids these days are not learning some of the most crucial skills needed for a sustainable future society.
But worrying about the younger generation is not a new phenomenon. As Plato wrote in Laws:
Who is unable to count one, two, three, or to distinguish odd from even numbers, or is unable to count at all, or reckon night and day, and who is totally unacquainted with the revolution of the Sun and Moon, and the other stars… All freemen, I conceive, should learn as much of these branches of knowledge as every child in Egypt is taught when he learns the alphabet. In that country arithmetical games have been invented for the use of mere children, which they learn as pleasure and amusement… I… have late in life heard with amazement of our ignorance in these matters; to me we appear to be more like pigs than men, and I am quite ashamed, not only of myself, but of all Greeks.
And yet, today we face a possible calamity Plato never dreamed of. I speak of course of the imminent zombie apocalypse.
Thankfully, a choose your own adventure style book has been published in order to correct this troubling trend of zombie non-awareness in our youth.
I feel inclined to start a new kind of award here in honor of an anonymous man in a place called Iowa City. Unfortunately, the police see his hero status in a different light.
Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.
A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.
The man then ran out a back door.
The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.
This is a miscarriage of justice. The police should be looking for this man, but to thank him for his quick actions in the face of a zombie invasion – not to arrest him for assault. The vigilance of citizens such as this man is the price we must pay for a world in which the living dominate over the undead.
And taking the so-called “victim” to the hospital is the worst idea ever. A hospital is the last place you want zombies. There are lots of injured people, many of them unable to leave their bed. So the zombies will feed on them and gain strength. And there are all kinds of potential weapons lying around for zombies to possibly use. And what if one of them can read and gets into the drugs? Then what? Tripping, speed freak zombies armed with scalpels and feeling no pain – that’s what.