Posts Tagged ‘Canada’

RE-POST: Canadian scientist aims to turn chickens into dinosaurs, destroy and/or enslave all humans

September 8, 2010

So here’s the plan:

  1. Be Canadian.
  2. Be a scientist.
  3. Get a chicken embryo.
  4. Turn it into a dinosaur.
  5. ????????????????????
  6. PROFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is the lede from PhysOrg (8/25):

“After years spent hunting for the buried remains of prehistoric animals, a Canadian paleontologist now plans to manipulate chicken embryos to show he can create a dinosaur.”

Read MOAR and MOAR and MOAR!

So this guy’s name is Hans Larsson. That’s his real name. No word yet on whether or not he wears all black, speaks in an Eastern European accent, and shows no human emotion – although judging from his name and what he is up to, all of these things most definitely must be absolutely true. Just look at what he looks like probably looks like I think he might look like based on a quick google images search:

My understanding of this stuff is really crude, but I’ll give it a shot. Basically what happens is that when an embryo of any species is developing, its genome starts to be regulated mostly by Hox genes. Here is a rap video about Hox genes. You may listen to the music while reading the rest of this post with my permission.

So for example, since we share a common ancestry with other apes, the capacity to grow a tail is in our genes. It’s just that for most of us, outside of places like Kentucky and India, that gene gets regulated so that we don’t actually grow a tail. At least, not usually:

But if you wanted a human to grow a tail, theoretically you could go into the genome of a developing embryo and tinker around with the Hox genes so that they don’t inhibit that particular part of our genome as it normally would. I’m sure it’s a bit more difficult than that sounds since it would need to be done at a specific developmental period and in the right way, but that’s the gist of evo-devo (evolutionary development) as I understand it.

So this Hans Larsson character is doing this with chickens now, trying to deregulate old genetic material shared with the common ancestor of chickens and dinosaurs. This kind of thing has sort of already been done specifically in the form of developing chickens with teeth. Yeah, that’s right: Chickens with fucking teeth.

Unfortunately this doesn’t mean we can create our own army of unholy chickenosauruses to wreak havoc on Ken Ham’s Creationist “Museum” or to perform some other worthy endeavor. It’s probably going to be very inexact and application-free, at least for a while now. But hang in there – with any luck, Hans and his assistant Igor Ivan Ivanovich (that is very likely his name) will soon be facepalming or shouting up to the nighttime sky something like, “Nooooes! What have I done?” as mobs of the townsfolk with torches and pitchforks scramble in a futile effort to stop the madness before THE CHICKENOSAURS SLAUGHTER US ALL AND SKULLFUCK OUR CORPSES OMG OMG WTF WTF EVERYBODY PANIC RUN FOR YOUR LIVES NOW!!!!!!!!!

This is so Canadian

July 27, 2010

This has all the trappings of those lame “Black guys are like… and white guys are like…” jokes, except that it’s more like “Americans get drunk and shoot at each other, but Canadians get drunk and call 911 demanding that the police get their local hockey team back.” From the Winnipeg Free Press:

“He began the conversation by saying he wanted the Jets back. He was quite upset about it,” a justice source told the Free Press on Wednesday…
The final straw came when the man began insulting the 911 operator, eventually calling her a crude name. She warned him that his number had been traced and police were being sent out to arrest him.
“If you’re coming to get me, can you bring me some smokes,” was his reply.

And you know what? I bet those police did bring that guy his cigarettes.

Mother who murdered her daughter gets 3 years probation

July 15, 2010

See this classy lady?

Well, she killed her daughter by strangling her with a scarf, was found guilty, and sentenced to only three years of probation. Just to clarify, that means that she’s not even going to prison. For murder.

I looked around for mitigating circumstances, but this is really the closest thing to that available:

Magomadova had claimed her daughter, who was a rebellious teen who had been in trouble with the law and had run away from home, attacked her while they argued over whether Aminat would make a court appearance that day.

But LoVecchio said the evidence didn’t support the accused’s contention she had to use her scarf to defend herself from a deadly attack.

So the best that made it through the Canadian legal system for the side of the defense in this case was that she was a rebellious teen who had been in trouble with the law.

There’s definitely no implications of this being religiously motivated, but it might be worth noting that this woman’s actions are pretty much in line with the Bible:

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

So we’ve gone from killing rebellious offspring being the official punishment to it being a kind of sort of crime. I mean, I guess maybe she should get probation for killing her kid. That’s progress.

Possible hybrid bear shot by Innuit hunter

April 15, 2010

It looks like Carl Paladino is not the only one into ‘interspecies erotica’ these days. Bears around Victoria Island may have been crossing the lower taxonomic category to get it on as well.

So this unnamed Innuit hunter – probably poor and barely able to keep his family fed – one day he was shooting at some food, and up from the ground came a possible polar / grizzly ‘pizzly’ ‘grolar’ hybrid. The Innuit call these hybrids “Nanulak,” which is also the Innuit word for both “snow” and “corn.”

DNA testing has only confirmed one other case of these hybrids in the wild. That was in 2006 when a guy from Idaho shot one in the same general location at around this time of year. Here is what it looked like, since the hunter who made this most recent kill is – to his credit – refusing to make pictures public or even talk about it until DNA analysis is done:

Nobody’s really sure why these sightings have been getting more frequent in recent times. Maybe it’s because more members of the insane hunter demographic are able to go up to these remote areas. Or it could be a result of climate change. Or it could be that grizzlies are wandering way further north than they usually do just by accident. Or it could be that they were following caribou populations. So we’ll just have to wait and see what more data reveals.

Yeah, that’s right! I got no conclusion here. We just don’t know and that’s all we can say until better evidence is available. And that’s just how things can be sometime. So just fucking deal with it already.

Idiotic quote of the day

March 8, 2010

Noted media personality and Facebook user Sarah Palin on the Canadian tyrannical government run single payer health care system of total socialist government Nazi death panel oppression (by the government):

“We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada,” she said. “And I think now, isn’t that ironic.”

There are two different ways to look at this. Either

  1. She knows what irony is, or
  2. She doesn’t.

If #1 is true, then she’s basically telling her supporters that it’s ironic that socialized medicine is great when it’s for her, but that it’s supposedly horrible for the rest of the country. And that implies that she’s just basically admitting here that her opposition to health care reform is a self-conscious fraud meant to persuade idiots.

But that is less likely to be true than #2 because it would mean assuming that she understands what any word with more than two syllables actually means, and the evidence supporting that is very slim. So it’s probably a safe bet to file this as yet another Palin word salad which turns out to be unintentionally hilarious to those of us who are literate and not foaming-at-the-mouth ideologues.

Foreign films

September 18, 2009

Ghost hunting woman becomes ghost

September 10, 2009

So there’s this man and this woman in Toronto, around the University area (College / Spadina) and they were looking for ghosts. For some reason, they found it necessary to jump from one building to another. Something went wrong (actually something probably went wrong initially in their heads when they decided there were ghosts), the woman falls three stories, and is pronounced dead at the hospital. Probably she was ‘slimed’ and she slipped in the ectoplasm.

Hey, I heard a rumor that this unnamed woman’s ghost is now haunting that very building. Ghost hunters should note that they will need to make the same jump she attempted in order to summon her from the realm of the dead. Story is here.