Posts Tagged ‘conspiracy theories’

Annie Jacobsen opposes the kinds of conspiracy theories she started

August 15, 2011

It’s silly to believe they’re aliens… They’re clearly part of a Nazi/Communist alliance’s propaganda campaign!

If I were to write a BEAST editorial about how journalists these days are being too offensive to people of faith and spirituality, everyone who read it would rightfully think of me as a huge hypocrite. Or maybe they’d think I’d suffered some kind of brain injury. When you’ve written about faith issues in the way I have, you kind of forfeit your right to complain about people doing the same

Similarly, if you write a book about Roswell and then promote it largely based on the final chapter which invents one of the most out-there conspiracy theories ever, you forfeit your right to complain about loony conspiracy theories. At least you should.

Apparently the NY Daily News doesn’t think so. Last Sunday they featured a mostly reasonable column by Annie Jacobsen about how America has become what she calls a conspiratocracy. It gives a crash course in the history of American conspiracy theories, and speculates as to why they’ve spread so rapidly recently.

There isn’t much with which to disagree in her piece, aside from that the subject she’s writing about is much too wide for a 450 word column. All of the conspiracy theories she mentions are definitely silly and deserving of increased mockery. But it’s definitely odd that Jacobsen would choose this as a topic given her recent past.

A few months ago, Jacobsen released a book about Area 51, the secretive military base which UFO believers claim is the headquarters of the government’s secret research on extraterrestrials and flying saucers. I have not read her book, but I did pay attention to how she promoted it, as authors do, in the media. Here she is on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, but probably the most in-depth interview I heard was on NPR’s program Fresh Air with Terry Gross. I’ll get to that in a minute.

From what I’ve heard, most of the book is in the same vein as the NY Daily News column, rightfully debunking loony conspiracy theories about Area 51. But when you get to the last chapter, she introduces a bizarre conspiracy theory of her own to explain the 1947 Roswell incident which many believe to be a case of an alien spacecraft crashing in the New Mexico desert which was then quickly hushed up by the government. Here’s how she explained it to Terry Gross:

“The child-sized aviators in this craft [that crashed in New Mexico] were the result of a Soviet human experimentation program, and they had been made to look like aliens a la Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds, and it was a warning shot over President Truman’s bow, so to speak. In 1947, when this would have originally happened, the Soviets did not yet have the nuclear bomb, and Stalin and Truman were locked in horns with one another, and Stalin couldn’t compete in nuclear weaponry yet, but he certainly could compete in the world of black propaganda — and that was his aim, according to my source. …

“What is firsthand information is that he worked with these bodies [of the pilots] and he was an eyewitness to the horror of seeing them and working with them. Where they actually came from is obviously the subject of debate. But if you look at the timeline with Josef Mengele, he left Auschwitz in January of 1945 and disappeared for a while, and the suggestion by the source is that Mengele had already cut his losses with the Third Reich at that point and was working with Stalin.”

So let’s count how many layers of absurdity we have here. The Soviets collaborated with the notorious Nazi Josef Mengele (1) in order to scare Americans by sending a flying saucer (2) across most of the continental US without detection until it crashed (3), presumably because it was piloted by mutated children disguised as aliens (4). And all of this is substantiated solely by one anonymous source speaking about something which allegedly happened over 60 years ago (5-infinity).

In that same interview, Jacobsen speculates that Mengele’s “child-sized aviators” were the subject of either surgical or genetic mutation. So the latter option would mean that Mengele rounded up people with odd genes in order to selectively breed them specifically for this program to be launched decades in the future in collaboration with the Russians. He must have had pretty amazing foresight in order to predict such an unlikely partnership.

Obviously this is all pretty ridiculous. If you have really low standards of evidence then it’s pretty easy to get away with this kind of “reporting” – all you have to do is find an old man far enough gone to make some kooky claims about having worked on this or that secret government project a lifetime ago, and you’ve got yourself a story. Make it the last chapter of your book and you’ll get on all the talk shows and sell lots of copies. It’s probably not a coincidence that “Con artist authors making up bullshit” doesn’t appear anywhere in Jacobsen’s explanation for why America’s become so obsessed with bullshit conspiracy theories lately. But it probably should be.

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Troofers get serious, like srsly

July 4, 2011

For the 10th anniversary of 9/11, “truthers” have finally performed repeated experiments, written them up, and submitted their reports to peer review. They will be published in a credible scientific journal.

No, I kid. They made a comic book. From the USA Today:

In The Big Lie, the heroine is a woman named Sandra, who lost her husband, Carl, during the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City. A particle physicist working at the Large Hadron Collider, she figures out a practical way to travel back in time, so she ventures from present day to Manhattan an hour before the first plane hits the towers on Sept. 11, 2001.

Carl Carlson, killed when terrorists flew planes into the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant on 9/11.

So you can probably see how this is going to turn out. Sandra’s going to try to warn the authorities of the attacks only to discover that those same authorities are the ones behind it all this time OMGWTF. Betrayed by her own government… trying to save her husband… in a world where nothing is as it seems… One woman stood up to… THE BIG LIE. I hope you read that in the movie trailer guy’s voice, except for the title, which would obviously just be shown in the trailer in black and white, full screen.

Let’s learn more about the people behind this comic book, Rick Veitch:

Going into this project, he didn’t consider himself a “Truther,” yet living during the eras of the Pentagon Papers, Watergate, Iran/Contra and the invasion of Iraq, Veitch admits that he’s skeptical about any “official” story provided by the government.

OK, does any 9/11 troofer not say that? I haven’t heard of any. They all seem to believe that whoever happens to believe something just a little bit crazier about 9/11 is the “truther.” “Hipsters” work the same way.

I suppose it’s a good sign that some truthers might not want to be lumped in with people who believe that there were no planes flying into the World Trade Center and that what we saw in the video footage were plane holograms. On the other hand, some believe the more outlandish claims like that are CoIntelPro-style disinformation campaigns meant to discredit truthers as a whole. They sometimes call it a poison pill. Veitch explains:

“If one scratches the surface of the commission report, one finds huge holes in the official story. There’s also a lot of disinformation out there and oddball conspiracy theories that need to be debunked.”

The thing is that there aren’t many things a cross-section of troofers would agree on. The various stories of what they say happened have different points of emphasis, stories of who was involved often contradict, even who was involved in the planning is under dispute amongst them. They have no real consensus except they don’t believe the “official story.”

That should send up red flags warning that maybe they’re wrong on their basic assumptions. Usually, as you get more evidence about a historical event, a certain general narrative emerges as the most probable. That doesn’t happen in this case. What you get is a mass splintering of different, mostly independent narratives. Since they’re unwilling to reconsider their basic preconceptions, it will become necessary to explain how all these other ideas about what happened had arisen. An individual truther will say that the others couldn’t possibly have just been following the evidence to see where it leads, because that’s exactly what they had been doing and they came to a completely different conclusion. That’s when it’s time to invent another unfalsifiable conspiracy theory, like the disinformation campaigns Veitch refers to.  He continues:

People who are paying attention are asking for a real in-depth investigation into all these nagging questions.

But that’s not what they’re getting. They’re getting a comic book. Funny how all the people talking about how everyone wants a “real investigation” never get around to actually doing one and always get distracted by for-profit enterprises selling their bogus fantasies to gullible suckers.

John Boehner is standing up for the stupid guy

February 16, 2011

The President of Republicans John Boehner went on the teevee this weekend to tell David Gregory that although he’s definitely not a birther, he doesn’t want to interfere with the right of Americans to believe stupid things by telling his supporters that they’re wrong about Obama’s place of birth and religion. From Politico:

When the host of NBC’s “Meet the Press” asked Boehner whether he, as speaker of the House, had a responsibility to “stand up to that kind of ignorance,” Boehner told David Gregory: “It’s not my job to tell the American people what to think. Our job in Washington is to listen to the American people.”

OK, got that? John Boehner is not interested in telling the American people what to think! He would never do such a thing. Right? Well, I decided to ask the Wikipedia to find out if that is actually true. Here are some things I found:

On May 25, 2006, Boehner issued a statement defending his agenda and attacking his “Democrat friends” such as Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. Boehner said regarding national security that voters “have a choice between a Republican Party that understands the stakes and is dedicated to victory, and a Democrat Party with a non-existent national security policy that sheepishly dismisses the challenges of a post-9/11 world and is all too willing to concede defeat on the battlefield in Iraq.”

Each and every day, Israel’s very existence is at stake.

We need to look at the American people and explain to them that we’re broke,” Boehner said. “If you have substantial non-Social Security income while you’re retired, why are we paying you at a time when we’re broke? We just need to be honest with people.

A ban on taxpayer funding of abortion is the will of the people and ought to be the law of the land.  But current law – particularly as enforced by this Administration – does not reflect the will of the people.


Those are all quotes from the House Majority Leader literally telling the American people what they should think. And not only that, but he’s also told the American people what to think in regards to how to pronounce his own name. If I think his name is pronounced ‘boner,’ isn’t it my right to call him that? Apparently he’s not as against telling people what to think as it seems he is when it comes to birtherism. But why the special exception in that case? Let’s go back to Politico to find out:

Boehner denied that he is willing to let those misperceptions remain because they weaken and delegitimize Obama.

Oh no, of course not.

Egyptian government official uncovers the secret Israeli / shark alliance

December 9, 2010

There was a shark attack in Egypt last weekend. A German tourist was killed. So obviously it was a Jewish conspiracy. Duh. From the Jerusalem Post:

“What is being said about the Mossad throwing the deadly shark [in the sea] to hit tourism in Egypt is not out of the question, but it needs time to confirm,” South Sinai Gov. Muhammad Abdel Fadil Shousha was quoted as saying

I wonder if the hypothesis of sharks just being dicks who kill almost everything they smell is out of the question for this guy, or if it just needs more time to confirm.

The Simpsons decide not to set off nukes inside the US

November 12, 2010

So now we can add the writers for the Simpsons to the seemingly endless list of people the 9/11 troofers believe were involved in the implausibly large conspiracy. The NY Observer is reporting on some blog post by a conspiracy theorist who believes that the sort of recent episode about Springfield adopting Big Brother-y surveillance policies hinted at a “false flag” nuclear attack which was supposed to take place last weekend.

These kinds of things are really popular with conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones and David Icke, but it’s not always clear what the connections between world politics and pop media actually are supposed to be. This one seems to think that the Simpsons writers are using this foreshadowing as a warning. Because if there’s one group of people you’d expect to know about the imminent nuclear attack the US government was planning to use against itself in order to justify enacting martial law, it’s the writers of The Simpsons.

The other way conspiracy theorists make connections between the TV they watch and their fantasy world they imagine is by claiming clips like this one from 1997 are actually a way the conspirators have of bragging about their future plans. It’s apparently not enough that the conspirators always seem to get away with their evil deeds with nobody but a few of the most unhinged noticing, they have to go one step further by forcing sitcom writers to inject little clues into their jokes just to fuck with the unthinking “sheeple.”

That or, you know, coincidences happen and crazy people latch on to them in order to justify their warped worldview. One or the other, I guess.

Anyway, as you may have noticed, there was no nuclear attack last weekend. Hooray! But now conspiracy theorists need to find some way to reconcile their predictions with the fact that they failed to materialize. One way to do this would be to admit that maybe their predictions were incorrect. Or they could go with the self-aggrandizement route, by claiming that their own rantings exposed the secret plan, which would then need to be called off. And thanks to the vigilance of the “Infowars” crowd, we’ve been spared from martial law another day. AGAIN.

Juice boxes will make you GAY

September 22, 2010

Hey everyone! Let’s watch Alex Jones destroy a juice box to discover the thin piece of plastic which is making him hang out at truck stop restrooms every night:

Stewart v. troofers

September 19, 2010

Most people reading this have probably already heard of the Daily Show / Colbert Report concurrent demos in Washington, DC on October 30. If you haven’t, click on one of the images below.

It’s a great move to set up a demonstration this way because the March To Keep Fear Alive will have this automatic effect of co-opting any counter-demonstrators. The teabaggers have this paranoia about people infiltrating their rallies in order to discredit them. So it’s pretty likely some will try to retaliate against this real or imagined injustice. But that’s where the line between the Colbertesque satirical teabaggers and the sincere ones starts to get a little fuzzy.

I’m not going to this, but if I were I’d have trouble deciding which one of these two events to focus on, if that would even be a decision attendees would need to make. You’ve got the crazy satire marching around, and then you’ve got the sanity rally, probably at or near the Lincoln Memorial. So there will probably be a lot of cross-over of people going from one to the other. So even these hypothetical counter-demonstrators who intentionally stick around the sanity rally to try to discredit it will also be assimilated into the Stewart / Colbert hive mind.

But  the teabaggers aren’t the only target here. If you watch the Daily Show video linked to above, you’ll see that Stewart also goes after the 9/11 troofers by suggesting a “9/11 was an outside job” protest sign. So given their notorious ultrasensitivity, I decided to check what they thought of all this. Here’s what I found on Alex Jones‘ Prison Planet forums:

So these idiots who have been castigating George Bush and Co., also have been pretty good going after Obama’s crew are now equating the LaRouche antics (making everyone they disagree with appear as Hitler) to the majority who don’t believe in government telling the truth.  In my view this is just to hobble the 18-34 crowd that watches these assclowns from doing anything meaningful, like this david icke video advocates:

The same poster later elaborates:

Hey man, if you’re all for killing the momentum of the Tea PArty and 9/11 truth then promote these assclowns all you want. It’s perfectly obvious they’re using their honor to earn a buck and don’t give a damn about anything.

Hey, killing the momentum of the “Tea PArty and 9/11 truth” sounds like a good idea to me. So let’s get on with the promotion of the assclowns.

Later we get this gem:

All he’s doing is training people to tune out and not care.

Apparently if you can’t really care about rationality and reason and sanity. You can only care if you have crazy beliefs about the gubbuhmint’s “false flag” 9/11 attacks. They really think they’re the only ones who care about anything. Anyone who disagrees is just lazy or stupid or complacent. They’re more intellectually isolated than the Bush administration.

Or even the teabaggers, for that matter; even the crazier ones who believe he’s a secret Muslim from Kenya. Presumably, they at least believe that Obama cares about something, even if it’s a secret evil communist plan to destroy America. The troofers won’t even grant outsiders that much.

Kenya-controlled US Supreme Court rules against Orly Taitz

August 16, 2010

Last September, federal judge Clay Land of Georgia ordered the dentist / birther / internet troll Orly Taitz pay a $20,000 fine for violating Rule 11 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. Taitz of course realized that Clay Land was a communist fascist Maoist Muslim Marxist traitor and appealed. This appeal was denied by another al Qaeda Nazi posing as a federal judge, and on it went like that until Taitz started trolling members of the Supreme Court on ChatRoulette.

She first decided to go after Clarence Thomas, the most likely candidate to bring her case before the Court since he is also a bit of a crackpot. The way it works is that to get the Supreme Court to appeal your case, you have to convince one of the nine justices to introduce it to the Court. It’s kind of like how anyone can actually write the words of a piece of legislation, but they need at least one member of Congress to sponsor it.

In what was for him a rare moment of sanity, Justice Thomas sent Taitz’s e-mail to his spam folder and told her to STFU and pay her stupid fine already. After she made sure Thomas’ Hotmail account wasn’t hijacked by someone from /b/, Taitz decided to try her luck with Justice Alito. Normally when someone pesters a second justice after being denied by the first, the justice will just bring the case before the Court to spare the others, since a person like that (i.e. like Taitz) will probably just go individually to each and every member of the Court and troll them until they give in.

So that’s what Alito did and today they ruled that the fine would be upheld. So you might think that a patriotic American like Taitz would see that they had gone to the highest court in the country but that justice wasn’t on their side, right? Well, not so much. Like another similarly hypocritical douchenozzle, Taitz is appealing to the “international court of Human Rights,” an institution which appears to not even exist. There’s the European Court of Human Rights. And there’s the International Court of Justice. But there’s no such thing as the International Court of Human Rights. Taitz is now filing appeals to institutions which don’t even exist outside of her imagination.

Alex Jones is a lying piece of shit

August 5, 2010

There’s an embedded link to the full comic, but this story adds another participant in the extended game of Telephone that is our public discourse on scientific issues. And that person is a notoriously unhinged nutcase called Alex Jones.

It all started with a profile of Robert Sapolsky in Wired Magazine by the excellent science writer Jonah Lehrer. In part it covered some work Sapolsky and others are doing on a possible vaccine which may be able to reduce neural damage caused by chronic stress. This would be analogous to the first panel in the above SMBC comic.

The second panel matches up with how the Daily Fail tried to relay that information to their generally clueless readers. Here’s how they interpreted Sapolsky’s work:

Forget the age-old remedies of yoga, meditation or popping pills. Relieving chronic stress could soon be as simple as having an injection, according to scientists.

Academics say they are close to developing the first vaccine for stress – a single jab that would help us relax without slowing down.

So that’s bad enough, right? The Daily Fail failed to distinguish between our own subjective perception of stress and the purely material neurological damage it causes. But the failure of science coverage in the media has not ended yet. Enter Alex Jones:

If you don’t know, Jones is this conspiracy theorist who does a radio show which is very popular amongst people who think that the UN is going to invade Kansas in black helicopters piloted by illegal immigrants who use microchips to take away our guns and 9/11 was an “inside job,” etc…

As you might guess, he’s also against vaccinations. So when he saw that the Daily Fail had reported on something that had something to do with vaccines, he just knew that the “New World Order” must be behind it, somehow. And so he screamed in a video and on his blog about how he had discovered the hidden truth behind this article, which is that evil scientists are plotting against his normal, gasoline-huffing audience. The guv-mint, they just want to control you, see? So they make them up this here vaccine and they a-tell ya that it’ll calm ya down. But it’s really just to make you a passive and obedient SERF WHARGARBL.

So you start with a group of people who are trying to understand the damage caused by chronic stress and what can be done to reduce it. Then you add a filter of media failure and general incompetence, and all it takes to turn the story completely ass-backwards is to add a pathologically anti-science lunatic with a bullhorn into the mix. When Lehrer later followed up on this weird phenomenon, he was met by an army of angry, Jones-motivated commenters. Here is an excerpt of one I picked at random just now:

Nice try CoIntellPro Agent. Gee, I wonder how and why you got this out so darn fast, lol. If only you knew how damned obvious you are.

The word for being aware of such things as that the New World Order, or The Shadow Government is going to attempt to dumb down or pacify the people prior to culling them is not being “Paranoid” as you suggest. It is merely being “Circumspect”. If a smart Jew in the mid to late 1930’s tried to warn other Jews (and I’m sure that they did) that the Nazi’s ENDGAME was to eventually imprison and exterminate all Jews, they would not have been being “Paranoid”. They would have merely been being “Circumspect” after reading or hearing factual evidence that supported their worst fears. Learn to differentiate between the two, vastly different terms. Thee is no grey area between the two.

Oh, and, by the way, the Nazi’s also spiked the imprisoned Jew’s water supply with Fluoride to make them passive. Yep, the same stuff they have been spiking everyone’s city water with here in Amerika during the last 40+ years.

But there is a happy ending to this story, friends, because then Lehrer followed up on the follow-up (YO DAWG I HERD U LIKE FOLLOW-UPS) with a blog post about the psychology of conspiracy theories and cognitive dissonance. Very interesting stuff, and very well written. So now I’m sure the conspiracy nuts will see the error of their ways and stop supporting stupid bullshit. Or maybe not.

Jews and Freemasons force Catholic priests to rape kids

April 14, 2010

I’ve really got to make a big caveat here because the original source I’m getting this from is in Italian. Since I don’t speak it, and haven’t even needed to speak Spanish since 2001, I’m at the mercy of Google Translate. So it’s possible that, like most things I say, all of this is completely wrong. The difference here is that it wouldn’t be entirely my own fault. So there.

There’s this retired bishop named Giacomo Babini who decided to speak out against all this hoopla over priests raping kids and whatnot. Babini is even more old-school than the standard Catholic kid-rape apologist, deviating from the “It’s all teh ghey’s fault” line in favor of a conspiracy theory defense about the Jews and the Freemasons:

Last week, retired Bishop Giacomo Babini of the Italian town of Grosseto told the Catholic Pontifex website that the Catholic pedophile scandal is being orchestrated by the “eternal enemies of Catholicism, namely the freemasons and the Jews, whose mutual entanglements are not always easy to see through… I think that it is primarily a Zionist attack, in view of its power and refinement. They do not want the church, they are its natural enemies. Deep down, historically speaking, the Jews are God-killers.”

Jews can kill gods? And that’s a matter of history? Really?

Oh, but wait – he’s not done yet:

“The Holocaust was a shame for all of humanity,” the good bishop told the world, “but now we have to look at it without rhetoric and with open eyes. Don’t believe that Hitler was merely crazy. The truth is that the Nazis’ criminal fury was provoked by the Jews’ economic embezzlement, by which they choked the German economy.”

Wow. Didn’t this start off being about kid-rape? How did it veer so quickly into conspiracy theories about Jews and Freemasons and Nazis in the 1930s? I wish I could just start rambling made up bullshit about history whenever I’m accused of a crime.

What *really* happened on United 93

March 25, 2010

One of the many, many problems 9/11 “truthers” have besides hilarious infighting over money and a lack of critical thinking skills is in what happened to the passengers of United Airlines Flight 93. According to the “official story” (aka reality), some passengers overpowered the highjackers and forced the plane to crash in Shanksville, PA rather than allow themselves to be used in a suicide attack on either the White House or the US Capitol building. But since the conspiracy theorists insist that there either were no planes at all or that they were controlled by remote or something to that effect, they need to fit the fourth hijacked plane and its passengers into their conspiracy theory by some other means.

Usually most of these people have at least the presence of mind to not get into speculation about this issue because it leaves them open to the kind of ridicule they deserve. Sometimes even crazy people have some form of quality control. Even some creationists do, too. But like any fringe group, there are always some people who have no filter to strain out the really obviously deranged from the mere mildly disturbing.

For example you have this guy. According to him, the plane’s captain was put on a fake plane which was then followed by two other planes. This worked really well for the conspiracy because you always want to make sure you have as many people involved as possible. This especially so when it’s only to kill one guy (the pilot) after he’s said the necessary lines for the Voice Splicing Modules (it’s apparently illegal to mention these magical devices without bold print).

So if things are too normal for you, try reading this guy’s crackpot theories. Maybe stock up on asprin or alcohol first, though.

We Are Embezzling Your Donations For College Money

March 14, 2010

We Are Change is this group of 9/11 “truthers.” I’m not very inclined to say nice things about people with beliefs like that, but to their credit elements within this organization are calling bullshit on their leader, Luke Rudkowski of WAC-NY. It turns out that Luke was embezzling donations to the organization in order to pay for his tuition at Brooklyn College, which as the whistleblowers point out, “IS NOT WE ARE CHANGE BUSINESS!”

I will not argue the point that getting an education is not really the business of groups like this. In fact it’s pretty inconsistent with their teachings, since public schools are part of the big bad guvment, and they’re all out to get you and force you to believe in their lies by indoctrinating you, etc… Not to mention that public schools are supposed to teach critical thinking, among other things, and this is also incompatible with their beliefs for reasons which should be pretty obvious.

What’s kind of funny about this is that if the shoe were on the other foot, this is exactly the kind of thing that “truthers” would use to paint their picture of a 9/11 “inside job.” Since they don’t have evidence, they need to put little pieces of corruption, incompetence, and anomalies together in order to gradually compel people into adopting their view of What Really Happened.

Now just in order to piss of those people who get here by searching for that guy’s name, here is a picture of what really *did* happen. There are lots of eyewitnesses and lawn care engineers who will testify to this:

Francis E Dec, Esq.

March 12, 2010

Try listening to any of these for more than 30 seconds at random and then try telling me that he wasn’t the most paranoid person who ever lived:





In my pursuit of all things crazy, I’m pretty sure that Francis E Dec will be the ultimate yardstick for the scale of the craziest motherfuckers of at least the 20th century. Guys like Fred Phelps and Jack Chick just have to stand back in awe of the way Dec has fully embraced his inner crazy. The time cube guy was probably inspired by him. Exhibit A is one of his rants which he would mail out to random people:

A lot of that is pretty tough to read, so here are some excerpts of some of his other rants. That’s really the only way to try to understand this guy because the details of what he believes are not very clear.

“Gangster Computer God worldwide SECRET CONTAINMENT POLICY, made possible SOLY by worldwide Computer God Frankenstein Controls, especially LIFELONG CONSTANT THRESHOLD BRAIN WASH RADIO ( quiet and motionless, I can slightly hear it; repeatedly this has saved my life on the streets ). FOUR BILLION worldwide population ALL living have a Computer God CONTAINMENT POLICY BRAIN BANK BRAIN, A REAL BRAIN, in the Brain Bank Cities on the far side of the Moon, we never see. Primarily, based on your lifelong Frankenstein radio controls, especially, your eyesight T.V. (sight, and sound) recorded by your brain. YOUR Moon BRAIN of the Computer God, activates your Frankenstein Threshold Brain Wash Radio LIFELONG, inculcating conformist propaganda, even frightening you and mixing you-up and the USUAL, “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.” for your set backs, mistakes even when you receive deadly injuries. THIS IS THE WORLDWIDE COMPUTER GOD SECRET CONTAINMENT POLICY.”

See what I mean? You kind of have to wonder if there’s some kind of other unspoken narrative going on inside Dec’s head here where this all supposedly makes a little bit more sense than it appears on the surface. Or is this just word salad? Maybe a little of both?

As it turns out there’s a Francis Dec fan club, and it looks like their goalis to try to explain Dec’s theories in ways that normal people can comprehend without having to piece everything together into a coherent story based on his rants. Doing this seems to be a lot like how when the main character in this movie

needed to look at some statue or some shit in order to go half-crazy so that he would be able to understand and translate the ideas of his friend who had stared at the idol for too long and gone fully crazy.

The idea behind mailing these things out to random people was that Dec believed this whole conspiracy targeted him specifically. Of course they were going after everyone; but like most paranoid schizophrenics, Dec was supposed to be some kind of crucial enemy of the conspiracy. It got to the point where Dec couldn’t even leave his house!

So if he only alerted enough people to what was going on with the Computer God and the far side of the Moon and the Frankenstein radio controls and the rest of it, his plight would have some kind of public awareness and there would be a degree of safety. And at one point he decided that he had mailed enough information to enough random people for him to be able to leave his house again.

It’s really pretty obvious when you think about it.

Probably the most over-the-top batfuck insane thing ever is Dec’s account of World War II, which he calls “The TRUE History of Nazi Jewmany.” According to the fan club, Dec had to believe that Jews were secretly controlling the Nazis because he couldn’t hate both the Nazis and the Jews otherwise.

Some details of his life are that he was born in NY in 1926, served during WW II, became a lawyer, was disbarred in the fifties, lost his shit around 1961 and started mailing out these things to strangers. He lived with his possibly abusive brother in Long Island until he died in 1996. You can also see a picture of him and read the account of someone who tried to impersonate the criminal deadly gangster atheist communist Jew Catholic conspirators in order to terrify him on his death bed. And here are some mp3s of people reading his rants in a crazy voice. So that’s Francis Dec. Please try not to be an eternal Frankenstein slave to the Worldwide Deadly Gangster Computer God.

Similar:

Fuck Louis Farrakhan

March 2, 2010

If you want to take the title as endorsement of the violent rape of the Nation of Islam leader, I can’t stop you from interpreting that way. From the Associated Press:

“The word ‘prophet’ is too cheap a word. I am a light in the midst of darkness,” Farrakhan said at the annual convention of the movement that embraces black nationalism. “It ain’t ego, it’s my love for you.”

Get that? He’s not egotistical at all. Farrakhan being a “light in the midst of darkness” is really just about his love for others, and not about his ego. Because his love for you is just that special, which itself is also not egotistical. How dare you suggest such a thing?

Farrakhan spent most of the fiery nearly four-hour speech recounting a 1985 vision he had in Mexico. Farrakhan has often described how he believes he was invited aboard an unidentified flying object he calls “the wheel” where he said he heard the late Nation of Islam leader Elijah Muhammad speak to him.

Putting the UFO aside for a minute, a four hour speech? Really? Is that necessary? Hasn’t this deity punished people enough? I’m no big fan of the soundbite culture but sitting around listening to this nonsense for four fucking hours has got to qualify as cruel and unusual punishment. Concision can be a good thing sometimes.

And plus I love it when these guys use this kind of synergy of woo. It’s not enough for this to just be about talking to dead people, or for it to just be about a UFO abduction, or for it to just be about seeing the future (Farrakhan claims this incident “led him to inklings of future events,” in the language of the article cited above); it has to be about all of them at once. And it’s not even just those things, because he also seems to think that the Chilean earthquake is an indication of future political problems for Obama. Oh yeah, also white people are plotting against him, too. Nice.

UPDATE: The Young Turks reported on this (after me):

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Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Did 9/11

February 11, 2010

I’m starting my own 9/11 conspiracy theory.

It all started when I just read about new aerial pictures NIST released of the terrorist attacks. Here is one of them:

Now, look a little closer and you can see some pareidolia:

Now who does that remind you of? Maybe another known attacker of New York City?

I believe that settles it. We must deploy the Ghostbusters to the Afghanistan/Pakistan border immediately.