Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

Stop the Gellerization of America

December 4, 2011

Pamela Geller is this nice Muslin lady who runs an anti-Islam organization with its very own website and everything. She likes to warn us real Americans about the Mohammedans when they’re about to do something illegal, like whistle a call to prayer at a stoplight. There’s always some new and exciting way to be afraid of those Moslems.

With Thanksgiving coming, Geller has spent the past week or so wondering what the best way to connect her McCarthyite crusade to the holiday, like most of us have. And that’s how she discovered that your Thanksgiving turkey is really a Trojan Horse which has been brainwashed by the Prophet Mohammed. Check it:

Did you know that the turkey you’re going to enjoy on Thanksgiving Day this Thursday is probably halal? If it’s a Butterball turkey, then it certainly is — whether you like it or not.

Whether you like it or not, people! You cannot change your dead turkey’s religion just by wishing for a postmortem conversion really, really hard! That is unless you’re a Mormon, in which case you can have a weird pagan ceremony where you baptize your dead turkey along with a few Nazi war criminals for good measure. Anyway, this is a shock to Geller’s audience, who probably also believes in The Secret, Atlantis, energy independence, and extended warrantees too.

So why is Geller the only one very concerned about the Muslim turkeys? Sure, maybe it’s not the most important thing in the world. It’s probably only the fourth most important thing in the world. Geller laments how she seems to be the only one freaking out over this:

Where are the PETA clowns and the ridiculous celebs who pose naked on giant billboards for PETA and “animal rights”? They would rather see people die of cancer or AIDS than see animals used in drug testing, but torturous and painful Islamic slaughter is OK.

Yes, where is PETA? See, this is what separates a level-headed rational person like Pamela Geller from those ridiculous celebs and clowns, of which she certainly isn’t one at all, no, no sir. Why doesn’t PETA have an entire section of their website devoted to the cruelty of this halal slaughter practice including an article titled “The Cruelty Behind Muslim Ritual Slaughter” which anyone with two brain cells to rub against each other and a fraction of a second and Google could find? We may never know.

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Festivus for the rest of us

December 23, 2010

Christmas with Gwar!

December 20, 2010

St. Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2010

3.14159268

March 14, 2010

Today is fucking Pi Day. Be sure to celebrate appropriately. But please refrain from drilling yourself in the head in order to drive the living organism which is the stock market / true name of God according to the hidden numerical codes of the Kabbalah out of your brain because it’s driving you mad.

Please don't do this, no matter how loud the voices get.

You may shave your head, however.

It also would be Albert Einstein‘s 131st birthday if humans lived to be that old and he didn’t die in 1955.

MLK Day

January 18, 2010

So it’s weird having Martin Luther King day right in the middle of all this mess in Haiti, which as you might have heard is a result of the Haitian people making a pact with the devil. True story.

But today’s not about Pat Robertson, it’s about a preacher who happened to not be a blithering moron. And so I am obligated by the laws of the internet to post this video:

The (number) (adjective)-est (noun)s of the (year/decade)

December 31, 2009
  1. The 15 Weirdest Science Stories of 2009
  2. The 35 Worst Straight-to-DVD Sequels Of The 2000s
  3. The 30 Most Unnecessarily Hyped Things Of The Decade
  4. Top 10 Failures of 2009
  5. The 10 Best Archaeology Finds of 2009
  6. Top 20 Internet Lists of 2009
  7. The 50 Best Films of the Decade
  8. The 25 Worst Album Covers of the Decade
  9. New Scientist’s Best Books of 2009
  10. The 50 Funniest Headlines of 2009
  11. Phil Plait’s Top 10 Astronomy Pictures of 2009
  12. The 30 Most Memorable Mugshots of 2009
  13. Wonkette’s 100 Best Moments of the Decade
  14. Crazy Preacher’s Top 10 False “Prophecies” of 2009
  15. WaPo’s 11 (?) Worst Ideas of the Decade
  16. Fark’s 11 Weirdest Stories of 2009
  17. Top 10 Consumer Scams of 2009
  18. The 50 Hottest Dead People of ht eDecade
  19. Wired wraps on the decade on music, video games, and television
  20. 10 Freakiest Ads of 2009
  21. Top 10 Top 10 Lists

Happy New Year

December 31, 2009

Happy Jesusday

December 24, 2009

So here is the Christmas Truce letter describing an interesting event during WW I, interspersed with inappropriate videos and pictures. Enjoy.

Christmas Day in the trenches, 1914

Anonymous

“This will be the most memorable Christmas I’ve ever spent or likely to spend: since about tea time yesterday I don’t think theres been a shot fired on either side up to now. Last night turned a very clear frost moonlight night, so soon after dusk we had some decent fires going and had a few carols and songs. The Germans commenced by placing lights all along the edge of their trenches and coming over to us – wishing us a Happy Christmas etc. They also gave us a few songs etc. so we had quite a social party. Several of them can speak English very well so we had a few conversations. Some of our chaps went to over to their lines. I think theyve all come back bar one from ‘E’ Co. They no doubt kept him as a souvenir. In spite of our fires etc. it was terribly cold and a job to sleep between look out duties, which are two hours in every six.

First thing this morning it was very foggy. So we stood to arms a little longer than usual. A few of us that were lucky could go to Holy Communion early this morning. It was celebrated in a ruined farm about 500 yds behind us. I unfortunately couldnt go. There must be something in the spirit of Christmas as to day we are all on top of our trenches running about. Whereas other days we have to keep our heads well down. We had breakfast about 8.0 which went down alright especially some cocoa we made. We also had some of the post this morning. I had a parcel from B. G’s Lace Dept containing a sweater, smokes, under clothes etc. We also had a card from the Queen, which I am sending back to you to look after please. After breakfast we had a game of football at the back of our trenches! We’ve had a few Germans over to see us this morning. They also sent a party over to bury a sniper we shot in the week. He was about a 100 yds from our trench. A few of our fellows went out and helped to bury him.

About 10.30 we had a short church parade the morning service etc. held in the trench. How we did sing. –
‘O come all ye faithful. And While shepherds watched their flocks by night’ were the hymns we had. At present we are cooking our Christmas Dinner! so will finish this letter later.

Dinner is over! and well we enjoyed it. Our dinner party started off with fried bacon and dip-bread: followed by hot Xmas Pudding. I had a mascot in my piece. Next item on the menu was muscatels and almonds, oranges, bananas, chocolate etc followed by cocoa and smokes. You can guess we thought of the dinners at home.

Just before dinner I had the pleasure of shaking hands with several Germans: a party of them came 1/2way over to us so several of us went out to them. I exchanged one of my balaclavas for a hat. I’ve also got a button off one of their tunics. We also exchanged smokes etc. and had a decent chat. They say they won’t fire tomorrow if we don’t so I suppose we shall get a bit of a holiday – perhaps. After exchanging autographs and them wishing us a Happy New Year we departed and came back and had our dinner.

We can hardly believe that we’ve been firing at them for the last week or two – it all seems so strange. At present its freezing hard and everything is covered with ice…”.

Near the end of the letter the writer tells his mother, “As I can’t explain to everyone how I spent my 25th – you might hand this round please”.

The letter ends: “There are plenty of huge shell holes in front of our trenches, also pieces of shrapnel to be found. I never expected to shake hands with Germans between the firing lines on Christmas Day and I don’t suppose you thought of us doing so. So after a fashion we’ve enjoyed? our Christmas.

Hoping you spend a happy time also George Boy as well. How we thought of England during the day.

Kind regards to all the neighbours.

I forgot about Festivus

December 23, 2009

I forgot to mention that today was Festivus. So Happy Festivus.

Happy Thanksgiving

November 26, 2009

It seems like William S Burroughs just keeps showing up for holidays.

Carl Sagan Day

November 7, 2009

As you will see from this picture, Monday would be Carl Sagan’s 75th birthday if he weren’t wormfood.

And the JREF is doing some Carl Sagan Day thing at a college near their headquarters in Florida.

So here is the Pale Blue Dot video:

And here is a video from Cosmos:

And here you can watch any of the 13 episodes of Cosmos.

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Happy Halloween

October 31, 2009