Posts Tagged ‘insane people’

Stop the Gellerization of America

December 4, 2011

Pamela Geller is this nice Muslin lady who runs an anti-Islam organization with its very own website and everything. She likes to warn us real Americans about the Mohammedans when they’re about to do something illegal, like whistle a call to prayer at a stoplight. There’s always some new and exciting way to be afraid of those Moslems.

With Thanksgiving coming, Geller has spent the past week or so wondering what the best way to connect her McCarthyite crusade to the holiday, like most of us have. And that’s how she discovered that your Thanksgiving turkey is really a Trojan Horse which has been brainwashed by the Prophet Mohammed. Check it:

Did you know that the turkey you’re going to enjoy on Thanksgiving Day this Thursday is probably halal? If it’s a Butterball turkey, then it certainly is — whether you like it or not.

Whether you like it or not, people! You cannot change your dead turkey’s religion just by wishing for a postmortem conversion really, really hard! That is unless you’re a Mormon, in which case you can have a weird pagan ceremony where you baptize your dead turkey along with a few Nazi war criminals for good measure. Anyway, this is a shock to Geller’s audience, who probably also believes in The Secret, Atlantis, energy independence, and extended warrantees too.

So why is Geller the only one very concerned about the Muslim turkeys? Sure, maybe it’s not the most important thing in the world. It’s probably only the fourth most important thing in the world. Geller laments how she seems to be the only one freaking out over this:

Where are the PETA clowns and the ridiculous celebs who pose naked on giant billboards for PETA and “animal rights”? They would rather see people die of cancer or AIDS than see animals used in drug testing, but torturous and painful Islamic slaughter is OK.

Yes, where is PETA? See, this is what separates a level-headed rational person like Pamela Geller from those ridiculous celebs and clowns, of which she certainly isn’t one at all, no, no sir. Why doesn’t PETA have an entire section of their website devoted to the cruelty of this halal slaughter practice including an article titled “The Cruelty Behind Muslim Ritual Slaughter” which anyone with two brain cells to rub against each other and a fraction of a second and Google could find? We may never know.

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My e-mail interview with Betsy Rothstein, the brilliant mind behind FishBowelDC

January 26, 2011

Subject: WHY AM I BLOCKED?

Josh: Please unblock me immediately. Thanks.

Betsy Rothstein: who are you? Why should I care?

J: Unblock me right now please. Thank you!

B: Listen…asshole. Answer my questions and I might consider it. Anyone who acts like a jerk on the site can and will get blocked and I owe you zero explanation.

J: My name shows up in the email so you know who I am. And you want comments is why you should care. Now please unblock me RIGHT NOW. Thanks!

B: No. I don’t have to do anything. Tell me where you work, who the hell you are. You clearly don’t know how to behave properly.

J: I already told you who I am. Now UNBLOCK ME RIGHT NOW because it is very important that I am able to comment on your blog!

B: look. I don’t care. Go away.

J: I WASN’T ASKING I WAS TELLING.

B: oh really. Go to hell. I’m TELLING you that too.

J: Yeah, whatever, just unblock me right now. Do it to it.

B: You don’t get to order anything.
We don’t want you on the site. Final.

J: Lots of people want lots of things. That’s not the issue. The issue is that you immediately unblock me. Thank you for your patience in this matter.

B: the issue is you have zero rights here. Got it?

J: No. You are incorrect. You will immediately unblock me. Thank you.

J: Look Betty, I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot here. The truth is that if you review my comments, you’ll find that I’ve been nothing but supportive of your work and have only offered encouragement. I do this because I truly believe you are a candle in the darkness of Washington politics bringing truth and freedom to us all – no matter what everyone else says about you. So I implore you to please unblock me. Thank you for your courteous and quick responses.

Nobody who reads this should be allowed to vote

January 26, 2011

Let’s all listen to this nice young man explain why only “virtuous” people should be allowed to vote, if we’re even going to bother with that old voting thing anymore. If we keep letting just anybody vote, we’re all going to die of cancer. Or something.

The Simpsons decide not to set off nukes inside the US

November 12, 2010

So now we can add the writers for the Simpsons to the seemingly endless list of people the 9/11 troofers believe were involved in the implausibly large conspiracy. The NY Observer is reporting on some blog post by a conspiracy theorist who believes that the sort of recent episode about Springfield adopting Big Brother-y surveillance policies hinted at a “false flag” nuclear attack which was supposed to take place last weekend.

These kinds of things are really popular with conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones and David Icke, but it’s not always clear what the connections between world politics and pop media actually are supposed to be. This one seems to think that the Simpsons writers are using this foreshadowing as a warning. Because if there’s one group of people you’d expect to know about the imminent nuclear attack the US government was planning to use against itself in order to justify enacting martial law, it’s the writers of The Simpsons.

The other way conspiracy theorists make connections between the TV they watch and their fantasy world they imagine is by claiming clips like this one from 1997 are actually a way the conspirators have of bragging about their future plans. It’s apparently not enough that the conspirators always seem to get away with their evil deeds with nobody but a few of the most unhinged noticing, they have to go one step further by forcing sitcom writers to inject little clues into their jokes just to fuck with the unthinking “sheeple.”

That or, you know, coincidences happen and crazy people latch on to them in order to justify their warped worldview. One or the other, I guess.

Anyway, as you may have noticed, there was no nuclear attack last weekend. Hooray! But now conspiracy theorists need to find some way to reconcile their predictions with the fact that they failed to materialize. One way to do this would be to admit that maybe their predictions were incorrect. Or they could go with the self-aggrandizement route, by claiming that their own rantings exposed the secret plan, which would then need to be called off. And thanks to the vigilance of the “Infowars” crowd, we’ve been spared from martial law another day. AGAIN.

Dennis Markuze / David Mabus

October 3, 2010

So there’s this guy who spams atheist blogs pretty much full time with these incoherent, repetitive and vaguely violent posts. I’ve gotten a few, and it’s kind of amusing. Less amusing are his death threats occasionally attached to his rantings.

Anyway, he managed to get into an AAI conference where he lives in Montreal. He tried to troll it IRL but failed in doing anything but possibly pulling a fire alarm. And then he ran away without talking to any of the people he obsesses over. Oh, and someone got a picture of him, too. This is what he looks like:

What’s funny about this character is that he gives lie to the idea that the only unhinged lunatics who hate atheists are fundamentalist Baptist types. Mabus seems to tie his theology into this ridiculous mix of postmodernism and Marxism – which is funny since Marx was so clearly himself an atheist.

Juice boxes will make you GAY

September 22, 2010

Hey everyone! Let’s watch Alex Jones destroy a juice box to discover the thin piece of plastic which is making him hang out at truck stop restrooms every night:

Stewart v. troofers

September 19, 2010

Most people reading this have probably already heard of the Daily Show / Colbert Report concurrent demos in Washington, DC on October 30. If you haven’t, click on one of the images below.

It’s a great move to set up a demonstration this way because the March To Keep Fear Alive will have this automatic effect of co-opting any counter-demonstrators. The teabaggers have this paranoia about people infiltrating their rallies in order to discredit them. So it’s pretty likely some will try to retaliate against this real or imagined injustice. But that’s where the line between the Colbertesque satirical teabaggers and the sincere ones starts to get a little fuzzy.

I’m not going to this, but if I were I’d have trouble deciding which one of these two events to focus on, if that would even be a decision attendees would need to make. You’ve got the crazy satire marching around, and then you’ve got the sanity rally, probably at or near the Lincoln Memorial. So there will probably be a lot of cross-over of people going from one to the other. So even these hypothetical counter-demonstrators who intentionally stick around the sanity rally to try to discredit it will also be assimilated into the Stewart / Colbert hive mind.

But  the teabaggers aren’t the only target here. If you watch the Daily Show video linked to above, you’ll see that Stewart also goes after the 9/11 troofers by suggesting a “9/11 was an outside job” protest sign. So given their notorious ultrasensitivity, I decided to check what they thought of all this. Here’s what I found on Alex Jones‘ Prison Planet forums:

So these idiots who have been castigating George Bush and Co., also have been pretty good going after Obama’s crew are now equating the LaRouche antics (making everyone they disagree with appear as Hitler) to the majority who don’t believe in government telling the truth.  In my view this is just to hobble the 18-34 crowd that watches these assclowns from doing anything meaningful, like this david icke video advocates:

The same poster later elaborates:

Hey man, if you’re all for killing the momentum of the Tea PArty and 9/11 truth then promote these assclowns all you want. It’s perfectly obvious they’re using their honor to earn a buck and don’t give a damn about anything.

Hey, killing the momentum of the “Tea PArty and 9/11 truth” sounds like a good idea to me. So let’s get on with the promotion of the assclowns.

Later we get this gem:

All he’s doing is training people to tune out and not care.

Apparently if you can’t really care about rationality and reason and sanity. You can only care if you have crazy beliefs about the gubbuhmint’s “false flag” 9/11 attacks. They really think they’re the only ones who care about anything. Anyone who disagrees is just lazy or stupid or complacent. They’re more intellectually isolated than the Bush administration.

Or even the teabaggers, for that matter; even the crazier ones who believe he’s a secret Muslim from Kenya. Presumably, they at least believe that Obama cares about something, even if it’s a secret evil communist plan to destroy America. The troofers won’t even grant outsiders that much.

Today is the last big primary (masturbation) day, everyone!

September 14, 2010

Unfortunately I’m not supposed to vote today because New York state has something called closed primaries, which means that you have to be registered in the relevant party to vote. So I will be forced to do so using my “name.” The obvious choice for maximum hilarity is the communist / local yokel  Carl Paladino.

Another state with closed primaries today is Delaware. The Republican primary in Delaware for Joe Biden’s Senate seat is between Mike Castle and Christine O’Donnell. Castle is the normal (yet atypical for this year), moderate candidate which the party supports. So he’s a pretty appropriate choice for Biden’s seat since Biden was basically a moderate Republican while in the Senate.

O’Donnell is the teabagger candidate, and she’s against masturbation because of Matthew 5:27-8:

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Here’s what O’Donnell said in her own words:

The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can’t masturbate without lust.

Please fap to this picture while reading this post, kthx -mgmt.

So it’s pretty clear that’s the verse to which she was referring. It’s the Sermon on the Mount, if you didn’t know. But it’s just too bad that she didn’t continue using the Bible to dictate her politics with the next few verses. Here’s Matthew 5:29-30:

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

This… well this might be a tough sell, even for the teabaggers. Or maybe not! Maybe Christine O’Donnell will win the primary tonight, and she will then introduce masturbation (no, not this kind) to the national stage inre: the 2010 mid-term elections. The next thing you know, they’d be running attack ads accusing each other of being too liberal on the issue of Biblical, guilt-induced self-mutilation. That. Would. Be. AWESOME!

And if you’re a Republican politician in Delaware, you better hope that’s what happens or else you might get yourself killed. Tom Ross, the chairman of the Delaware Republican Party, received a death threat via email saying that he deserved “a bullet in the head” for supporting Mike Castle instead of the hilarious anti-masturbation lady. This is definitely NOT TERRORISM though, well, just because.

UPDATE: O’Donnell has pulled it off and beat Mike Castle. She then cleaned up with a sock.

Random notes on Lily Dale

August 30, 2010

There were a lot of details left out of my recent article on Lilydale which didn’t really fit into the story that well. We wanted to get to the punchline of having the medium identify Taibbi and Randi as spirits around me before boring people with too much of the minutiae, even if some of it was kind of funny/interesting.

Before we even got into Lily Dale, we stopped at the National Spiritualist Association, which was a small one-story building overlooking the Cassadaga Lakes. It was all very scenic. If I were setting up some kind of pyramid scheme targeting gullible hippies, that’s the kind of place I would pick for a headquarters.

We were only inside for a moment before being escorted out by a nice woman named Paula, but that was just because there was some kind of private class going on and not because we stormed in wearing orange jumpsuits while waving dowsing rods around and yelling about how we were picking up very powerful energy vibes of gullibility in this location. That was something we’d talked about doing but laziness and a lack of funding made that impossible.

This is totally a cliché, but every group setting in Lily Dale just reeked of Patchouli. We’ve all known people who might go overboard with that stuff even as potent as it is, but imagine that times a hundred.

The woman doing the warm-up act said that Lily Dale was on one of the only old growth forests in the Northeast, even though there are 210,000 acres of old growth forests in NY state alone.

Just before I got my reading, two young African-American women raised their hands to get a reading by request from a medium. I was under the impression that doing readings “don’t work that way” and that the spirits are very mysterious about how they go about communicating. But the medium complied and told them that they were being visited by their grandmother, who was – GASP – from the South! And what’s even more surprising is that she was very spiritual and liked to sing a lot. Another Indian woman was told that she was visited by relatives from another country who wanted her to hold on to her cultural heritage.

In other words, anything that distinguished someone from the crowd at all was the basis for their reading. Guys, including myself, were told that it was time to advance their career. Younger people were contacted by the old, and vice versa. If the mark looked confused by a medium’s use of a stereotype, then the medium would tell her that this was a long-forgotten ancestor from several generations back. The rest was just random guesses, which is where confirmation bias did its thing.

I had kind of guessed beforehand that the crowd would be mostly female based on footage I’d seen of similar events, but I had really underestimated the proportion – at least on the day we went. It was at least a 95% female audience. And yet still my smoothest “Lllladies” yielded no positive results.

So lastly we were pretty lucky I guess to get a public reading for a couple reasons. One is that there were tons of witnesses – not that we know any of them and could get them to verify what happened, but still. The other is that according to the official Lily Dale website, the cost of a private reading starts at $40. Maybe that would’ve yielded a lot more funny material, but I’ll have to leave that to other skeptics with bigger bank accounts.

Kenya-controlled US Supreme Court rules against Orly Taitz

August 16, 2010

Last September, federal judge Clay Land of Georgia ordered the dentist / birther / internet troll Orly Taitz pay a $20,000 fine for violating Rule 11 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. Taitz of course realized that Clay Land was a communist fascist Maoist Muslim Marxist traitor and appealed. This appeal was denied by another al Qaeda Nazi posing as a federal judge, and on it went like that until Taitz started trolling members of the Supreme Court on ChatRoulette.

She first decided to go after Clarence Thomas, the most likely candidate to bring her case before the Court since he is also a bit of a crackpot. The way it works is that to get the Supreme Court to appeal your case, you have to convince one of the nine justices to introduce it to the Court. It’s kind of like how anyone can actually write the words of a piece of legislation, but they need at least one member of Congress to sponsor it.

In what was for him a rare moment of sanity, Justice Thomas sent Taitz’s e-mail to his spam folder and told her to STFU and pay her stupid fine already. After she made sure Thomas’ Hotmail account wasn’t hijacked by someone from /b/, Taitz decided to try her luck with Justice Alito. Normally when someone pesters a second justice after being denied by the first, the justice will just bring the case before the Court to spare the others, since a person like that (i.e. like Taitz) will probably just go individually to each and every member of the Court and troll them until they give in.

So that’s what Alito did and today they ruled that the fine would be upheld. So you might think that a patriotic American like Taitz would see that they had gone to the highest court in the country but that justice wasn’t on their side, right? Well, not so much. Like another similarly hypocritical douchenozzle, Taitz is appealing to the “international court of Human Rights,” an institution which appears to not even exist. There’s the European Court of Human Rights. And there’s the International Court of Justice. But there’s no such thing as the International Court of Human Rights. Taitz is now filing appeals to institutions which don’t even exist outside of her imagination.

Alex Jones is a lying piece of shit

August 5, 2010

There’s an embedded link to the full comic, but this story adds another participant in the extended game of Telephone that is our public discourse on scientific issues. And that person is a notoriously unhinged nutcase called Alex Jones.

It all started with a profile of Robert Sapolsky in Wired Magazine by the excellent science writer Jonah Lehrer. In part it covered some work Sapolsky and others are doing on a possible vaccine which may be able to reduce neural damage caused by chronic stress. This would be analogous to the first panel in the above SMBC comic.

The second panel matches up with how the Daily Fail tried to relay that information to their generally clueless readers. Here’s how they interpreted Sapolsky’s work:

Forget the age-old remedies of yoga, meditation or popping pills. Relieving chronic stress could soon be as simple as having an injection, according to scientists.

Academics say they are close to developing the first vaccine for stress – a single jab that would help us relax without slowing down.

So that’s bad enough, right? The Daily Fail failed to distinguish between our own subjective perception of stress and the purely material neurological damage it causes. But the failure of science coverage in the media has not ended yet. Enter Alex Jones:

If you don’t know, Jones is this conspiracy theorist who does a radio show which is very popular amongst people who think that the UN is going to invade Kansas in black helicopters piloted by illegal immigrants who use microchips to take away our guns and 9/11 was an “inside job,” etc…

As you might guess, he’s also against vaccinations. So when he saw that the Daily Fail had reported on something that had something to do with vaccines, he just knew that the “New World Order” must be behind it, somehow. And so he screamed in a video and on his blog about how he had discovered the hidden truth behind this article, which is that evil scientists are plotting against his normal, gasoline-huffing audience. The guv-mint, they just want to control you, see? So they make them up this here vaccine and they a-tell ya that it’ll calm ya down. But it’s really just to make you a passive and obedient SERF WHARGARBL.

So you start with a group of people who are trying to understand the damage caused by chronic stress and what can be done to reduce it. Then you add a filter of media failure and general incompetence, and all it takes to turn the story completely ass-backwards is to add a pathologically anti-science lunatic with a bullhorn into the mix. When Lehrer later followed up on this weird phenomenon, he was met by an army of angry, Jones-motivated commenters. Here is an excerpt of one I picked at random just now:

Nice try CoIntellPro Agent. Gee, I wonder how and why you got this out so darn fast, lol. If only you knew how damned obvious you are.

The word for being aware of such things as that the New World Order, or The Shadow Government is going to attempt to dumb down or pacify the people prior to culling them is not being “Paranoid” as you suggest. It is merely being “Circumspect”. If a smart Jew in the mid to late 1930’s tried to warn other Jews (and I’m sure that they did) that the Nazi’s ENDGAME was to eventually imprison and exterminate all Jews, they would not have been being “Paranoid”. They would have merely been being “Circumspect” after reading or hearing factual evidence that supported their worst fears. Learn to differentiate between the two, vastly different terms. Thee is no grey area between the two.

Oh, and, by the way, the Nazi’s also spiked the imprisoned Jew’s water supply with Fluoride to make them passive. Yep, the same stuff they have been spiking everyone’s city water with here in Amerika during the last 40+ years.

But there is a happy ending to this story, friends, because then Lehrer followed up on the follow-up (YO DAWG I HERD U LIKE FOLLOW-UPS) with a blog post about the psychology of conspiracy theories and cognitive dissonance. Very interesting stuff, and very well written. So now I’m sure the conspiracy nuts will see the error of their ways and stop supporting stupid bullshit. Or maybe not.

Bill Murray to cause apocalypse in an obscure way

July 28, 2010

The good folks at ChristWire are really mad at Bill Murray. So they’re trying to get people to boycott him. You might think Murray did something recently that really set them off. But no. They’re just angry at his whole body of work and his personality. They’re so enraged… How enraged are they?… Well, this much:

He is a weak man, a murderer of lambs, a despicable hedonist who waves the white flag welcoming the end of American moral and economic primacy. He is a harbinger of our death as a culture, the death of that preëminent philosophy of faith married to capitalism that has saved the world countless times from repression and annihilation. Bill Murray is a fatal disease and the sad news we bring you today is that your children have been infected.

The bold print is in the original.

Oh, but it gets better when the author starts fantasizing about being raped by Bill Murray. Seriously:

When you see this man on screen, his eyes wander all over you like a caged New York City rat. They seek out your curves and muscles with eerie desire. Those are not the eyes of someone you can trust. His mischievous grin suggests rape and sex and wanting to violate any thing he comes into contact with in the dead of night. He seems willing to say whatever it takes to get you where he wants to go, both physically and intellectually. Many of my fellow journalists have reported their fear of this man and his wicked charm, the way he works his way into the depths of your life, gets you to confess your darkest secrets.

Dr. Freud, call for you on line two.

OK, that’s hilarious, of course. Now the best part of these kinds of screeds is how you can tell that the author is really overpowered by their emotions, while at the same time want to give the impression that they’re literate and educated. And these two factors just trainwreck in the closing paragraph, just before the quote from Revelation. This time the added emphasis is mine:

Or has Bill Murray come to the grand revelation himself that he is desperately clawing against his own mortality with half-hearted sexual perversion and intellectual degeneracy, wandering drunken through the night, without passion or direction, already lost to the game of life. He is defeat. He has given up making meaningful gestures of faith or righteousness to instead nest in those small moments of self-satisfaction before he slips into the quiet bosom of obscurity. There is no denying that this grotesque and dangerous creature can be described as nothing less than one of the four horsemen of America’s impending Apocalypse.

Well, which is it? Is Bill Murray a horseman of America’s impending apocalypse? Or is he slipping into the quiet boom of obscurity? I don’t think that the author believes that the America’s impeding apocalypse is an obscure event. So it’s got to be one or the other.

Of course, to people who buy into this kind of stuff, it doesn’t matter if even two consecutive sentences are consistent. That’s not the point. The point is that they’re mad. They don’t even care if they’ve formed a comprehensible case for getting so worked up in the first place. And when you just appeal straight to people’s emotions, pretty much anything flies – even a Bill Murray boycott.

UPDATE: OK, I’ve looked more extensively through ChristWire‘s stuff, and I’m now about 90% sure that it’s satirical in the same sense as Landover Baptist or Objective Ministries. So now the egg is on my face.

Australian witch uses the Kent Hovind defense

July 27, 2010

In the article, the reporter calls it the “alien defense.” What happened is that a witch from a city called Geelong, which is near Melbourne, tried to escape a traffic stop by claiming that since she was a being of another world and therefore earthly laws didn’t apply to her. From the Mercury:

“Your laws and penalties don’t apply to me. I’m not accepting them, I’m sorry, I must go, thank you,” Eilish De Avalon said, driving off with the officer’s arm caught in her driver’s side door.

The cop grabbed the keys from the car’s ignition so the witch couldn’t escape to her other world.

So the reason I called it the Kent Hovind defense is because when that creationist was hauled into court for not paying his taxes, he tried a similar line of reasoning.

But anyway, this is about Eilish De Avalon, not Kent Hovind. I found her website (“Temple of Eilish,” lulz) via the “Natural Therapy Pages.” Apparently she’s into some pretty antisocial behavior in her day to day “work” too, and not just when she gets pulled over by a cop for talking on a cell phone while driving, where she then tries to escape, hospitalizing the cop in the process.

Here’s what the “Natural Therapy Pages” have to say about her:

Eilish De’Avalon is a Spiritual Healer, Reiki Master, Hawaiian Bodywork Massage Therapist, Level 2 SFEF Kinesiology Practitioner (with SFEFopathy), Meditation Teacher, Auric / chakra Diagnostician, Colour Therapist, Spirit Medium, Clairvoyant Tarot Card Reader, Holistic Beauty Therapist as well as an ordained Pagan Priestess/Civil Marriage Celebrant for all your sacred ceremony needs.

Remember, this is a sympathetic reading of what she does. They’re not making fun of her.

On her website she offers some further services, one of which is called a “Fairygram,” so I just had to check that out. And it’s pretty much what you might expect. She will send a woman dressed as a fairy to read poetry or sing. She recommends this for children and old people and everyone in between, and that it be done for anything from love to revenge, promising “public humiliation” upon request. It’s fun for the whole family!

This is the picture advertising for (not against) the "fairygram."

You just never know what you didn’t need until you hear about what you didn’t need.

Utah school district is anti-democracy

April 7, 2010

COMMUNIST PROPOGANDA

Utah is apparently trying to one-up Texas in the game of seeing exactly how dumb they can make their schools. Parents in the Alpine school district are upset that their children are learning about democracy.

Specifically these parents have a problem with the use of the term in the school’s mission statement. This makes sense from their perspective, because if there’s one thing a parent can’t stop a kid from doing it’s reading their public school’s mission statements. All the kids these days are doing it. They’re taking bathroom breaks in the middle of class just to check out a line or two of the school’s policies and bylaws. I remember as a teenager my parents had to chain me to a radiator in the basement for a week to wean me off that stuff. Some called it cruel, but I called it tough love.

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

“But this nation is a republic, not a democracy, said Oak Norton, a Highland father of five and the founder of Utah’s Republic. The Constitution guarantees every state a “republican form of government.” “Karl Marx said, ‘Democracy is the road to socialism,’ ” Norton said.”

So just in case you were wondering how long it would take for them to start yelping about the evils of socialism, it’s the first quote in the article. Marxists have infiltrated the Apline, Utah school district and are trying to make all decisions subject to a majority vote. Let’s see what the totalitarians have to say in their defense…

“There seems to be a segment of the population who is worried not just about being technically precise on these words … but somehow interprets a move to democracy as some type of a progressive movement that needs to be stopped,” [director of the University of Utah’s Hinckley Institute of Politics Kirk] Jowers said. “For the most part, when people talk about strengthening democracy, they’re talking about getting more people in the United States involved in our politics and government and more nations in the world being subject to elections instead of dictators.”

How unreasonable! The socialist plans of the progressive Marxists of UTAH have been laid bare. Having solved all their other problems, Utahans need to unite in order to stop this plague before it spreads to other school districts’ mission statements or all will be lost.

What *really* happened on United 93

March 25, 2010

One of the many, many problems 9/11 “truthers” have besides hilarious infighting over money and a lack of critical thinking skills is in what happened to the passengers of United Airlines Flight 93. According to the “official story” (aka reality), some passengers overpowered the highjackers and forced the plane to crash in Shanksville, PA rather than allow themselves to be used in a suicide attack on either the White House or the US Capitol building. But since the conspiracy theorists insist that there either were no planes at all or that they were controlled by remote or something to that effect, they need to fit the fourth hijacked plane and its passengers into their conspiracy theory by some other means.

Usually most of these people have at least the presence of mind to not get into speculation about this issue because it leaves them open to the kind of ridicule they deserve. Sometimes even crazy people have some form of quality control. Even some creationists do, too. But like any fringe group, there are always some people who have no filter to strain out the really obviously deranged from the mere mildly disturbing.

For example you have this guy. According to him, the plane’s captain was put on a fake plane which was then followed by two other planes. This worked really well for the conspiracy because you always want to make sure you have as many people involved as possible. This especially so when it’s only to kill one guy (the pilot) after he’s said the necessary lines for the Voice Splicing Modules (it’s apparently illegal to mention these magical devices without bold print).

So if things are too normal for you, try reading this guy’s crackpot theories. Maybe stock up on asprin or alcohol first, though.