Posts Tagged ‘successful criminals’

Televised poker tournament robbed

March 14, 2010

Unfortunately the cameras pull away before most of the robbery, but you can see the beginnings of it in this video:

The BBC has a report on this. There doesn’t seem to be a follow-up, so it looks like these guys actually got away. This must have been especially difficult since they were dragging 20 lb steel testicles around with them in addition to the estimated 800,000 euros they took.

Life imitates satire

February 25, 2010

Glamorama was this book by Brett Easton Ellis, who’s probably best known as the author of American Psycho. It’s a satirical novel about terrorists who use fashion models as patsies. This works well for the most part because celebrities and models can avoid standard security procedures, they’re immune from suspicion, and they’re usually too dumb to even really know what’s going on anyway. At least that’s how it’s framed in the book.


The only difference in this real life story is that instead of terrorism and international politics, this shady organization of models is interested in drugs. Here is a picture of the ringleader, Angie Sanselmente Valencia:

From the Telegraph:

Many of these women are believed to be other lingerie and glamour models who compete in international beauty pageants, whom Valencia describes as “unsuspicious, beautiful angels”.

Valencia is believed to be on the run in Mexico or Argentina. Apparently she became a leader in drug trafficking by splitting off from a group headed up by a gentleman who goes by the nickname The Monster.

Eyeball tattoos

January 12, 2010

These have to be the most badass prison tats ever.

Vladimir Putin

November 17, 2009

I’ll just cut straight to the awesome headline from Reuters:

Russia’s Putin wins respect at hip hop party

A lot of politicians with their own skeletons in the closet or fanatical devotion to a particular ideology or whatever else are sometimes referred to as a “gangster” or some other similar term. Dick Cheney is a case in point. The illegal wiretapping, torture, suspending of habeus corpus, etc. are all certainly things that wouldn’t be too surprising to your average mafioso. But the terminology is used as a form of derision because the target of such often believes him or herself to have too much power to be lumped in with people whom they may consider to be common criminals.

But those who would make that kind of response would be right in a sense. There really is a difference between signing off on some extraordinary rendition from the comfort of your air-conditioned office and, say, actually killing someone for talking to a journalist. Or being the journalist in question. Or being related to the journalist. Or looking like him or her. One is ‘gangsta,’ while the other is just pathetic, impotent, old bureaucrats reliving their tedious childhoods playing with Army dolls or whatever it is they did.

But Putin is a different story, which is why these kids respect him. Sure, he’s bloodthirsty and power-mad and probably a criminal many times over, but he’s also a hell of a lot closer to the American Dream mythology of a “self-made man” than any American politician. So that’s probably why they were apparently chanting “Respect, Vladimir Vladimirovich,” even after Putin told them about his drug and alcohol induced breakdancing injuries. Or something like that.

Journalism is serious business

October 20, 2009

… in Greenport, NY:

A New York State Trooper pulls over a vehicle near the three-way intersection on Joslen Boulevard in Greenport Monday. The reason for the stop and the outcome of the investigation remain unknown.

That’s the entire article. Really.

Best escape from custody ever

October 5, 2009

OK, bad news first: This guy has been captured. So this story is dampened a little with a sad ending.

But he was free for a little while. Here is how it happened: While in court on trial for a second-degree robbery charge, Ronald Tackman was mistaken for an attorney because he was wearing a suit.

And what makes this even better is that after being let go free instead of escorted into custody, Tackman then asked guards for directions to the exit.

America 1, Canada 0 USA! USA! USA!

September 7, 2009

When most people think of Niagara Falls, they think of honeymoons and 1920s daredevils in barrels and lots of water falling off a huge fucking cliff.

That’s all there, of course, but you miss the whole idea of Niagara Falls unless you’re a local. In order to understand Niagara Falls as a real place, you need to think of stories like this one. Then, you’ll get it just right. It’s that classic international love story:

  • American man goes on Craigslist.
  • Man meets two Canadian women for threesome at a seedy motel.
  • Man steals laptop, purses, and everything else in their room.

STEALTH!

September 3, 2009

These guys cleaned out an Apple store (not actual apples) in 31 seconds. I for one admire their dedication, teamwork, and stealth. They definitely researched this job well. Good work, whoever you are, and Godspeed!